Making Amends
by FicreaderT
Summary: A continuation' of the plane scene from episode 7.07 (when Catherine returned to enlist Steve's help to rescue his mother) and includes my take on what else my favorite couple might have talked about while on the plane en route to Morocco. Contains spoilers for that episode and also 6.17.


_Author's Note: I loved episode 7.07 (the 150th) except for the fact that Steve and Catherine again parted ways at the end. And, even though we didn't get to see it, I got the impression some things changed between them during the mission in Morocco. After the scene on the plane there seemed a lot less tension and by the end of the episode they appeared to have made some peace with each other._

 _Personally, I like to think that they had a long conversation on the 17-hour flight and probably resolved some things. So, this is an expansion of that scene on the plane; my take on what they might have discussed and how it all went._

 _I started writing this as part of a new story I'm working on, but realized it worked better on its own, as more of a backstory. So I broke it out into a short one-shot because I think it's important to the McRoll timeline. There is obviously some dialogue taken directly from the episode; I can only take credit for anything fans of the show don't recognize. All mistakes are my own, so please forgive any you may find. I hope you enjoy reading!_

* * *

 **Making Amends**

 **Somewhere over the Pacific Ocean  
November, 2016**

Steve was sitting quietly, lost in thought remembering when he was young and his mother taught him to ride a bicycle.

A few hours earlier Catherine, whom he hadn't seen or heard from in almost nineteen months, had shown up out of the blue and told him that his mother was in trouble. Doris had tried, and failed, to rescue Wo Fat's father from a CIA black site where she was now also being held.

Catherine had no idea what country the black site was in, knew she'd get no help from the CIA, and didn't have any other leads. So she was understandably shocked when Steve was able to identify the location as Morocco. And even better, he told her a few months earlier he had actually been to the site personally as part of a pre-arranged visit with the prisoner in question.

So bags were packed, calls were made, and the next thing he knew they were on a C-5 Galaxy bound for Africa. And, not surprisingly, his mother was on his mind.

Catherine approached and touched his arm gently to get his attention.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he replied.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," he replied, although not altogether convincingly.

She sat down next to him, wondering what was on his mind. But, she didn't feel like it was her place to ask, which reminded her how much she missed having him in her life. She wanted to try and explain her actions the last time she'd seen him on Oahu, but didn't know if it would be better to bring it up or leave it alone. She wasn't getting the impression he'd be very receptive.

She noticed he seemed uncomfortable, chewing on the inside of his cheek and looking pretty much everywhere but at her. It was certainly not unexpected, but the reality that he would _ever_ feel that way in her presence was like a slap in the face.

She decided to just go for it and broke the silence, saying "I wanted to tell you. I did."

She was sincere, and hoped Steve believed it. He didn't say anything, just continued chewing on his cheek, swiped a hand across his mouth and nodded his head to acknowledge her statement.

He believed she was being honest, but didn't really care to hear what she had to say. Although admittedly, part of him was curious. He didn't encourage her, but he didn't stop her, either.

"You were the last person I ever wanted to lie to, Steve," she continued.

He shook his head resignedly and barely kept from rolling his eyes. _Really? I wish I could believe that_. But he chose to keep his mouth shut and instead continued chewing the inside of his cheek.

She looked at him for a moment, pressing on.

"And then when I found out what you did for me, and how…" she paused, closing her eyes, "how you came through when my cover was almost blown, I…" She looked up, her eyes wet, before focusing back on him. "You saved my life."

Steve couldn't help but think back to the day he'd leaned the truth about Catherine's departure from Oahu. On that day in June, she'd told him and he'd believed that she'd gone because a relationship with him wasn't enough for her; that she needed to do more, to contribute to the world in her own way, and that meant doing earthquake relief in Nepal.

But then, nine months later, in March, during a Five-0 investigation of stolen black ops intel the reality of the situation had been revealed. Catherine was CIA, working as a field operative and assigned to a deep cover operation in Kiev, Ukraine.

It had been a double whammy for Steve. Discovering all at once that she'd lied about her reasons for leaving and the utter shock of the reality of why… But he hadn't had more than a minute to process the roller coaster of emotions brought on by that knowledge because Catherine's life had been in imminent danger. And despite everything that had happened between them, how much she'd hurt him, he would have done _anything_ to save her.

Of course, it had worked out in the end and he'd neutralized the threat. But it had taken him weeks afterwards to cope with everything. He'd finally made his peace with it and now didn't feel like dredging everything it all up again. He dropped his head into his hand and rubbed his forehead for a moment before he finally looked over at her. "You would have done the same for me, Catherine," he said.

She knew with one hundred percent certainty that he was right, although that didn't minimize the enormity of what he'd done on her behalf. But she could see that he obviously preferred to leave it in the past so she simply nodded and let it go.

Holding her gaze, he asked, "When did they recruit you?"

Catherine was honestly relieved that the veil of lies had been lifted and she could be truthful with him now. "When I was in Afghanistan," she told him.

Her response seemed to confirm something for Steve. He looked away then at her again. "Right, so last year, when you came to Hawaii…"

She closed her eyes. "Yeah", she said quietly, nodding her head.

"Yeah," he echoed.

They both nodded and he chuckled resignedly. She'd just admitted that when she was last on Oahu she intentionally misled him for weeks, leading him to believe she planned to stay on the island with him, although she had to know it was impossible. The CIA was eventually going to come calling.

And she had known a lie of that magnitude would be viewed by Steve as the ultimate betrayal. He had been lied to by so many important people in his life and Catherine knew it. She knew how vital honesty was, how much he valued it in his relationships, especially with her. Because he trusted her with what he couldn't share with anyone else and, more significantly, he trusted her with his heart.

And, regrettably, she had betrayed that trust once, years before, by keeping from him a secret about Doris. She had done it, at Doris' request, because she thought by doing so she was protecting Steve. But it had nearly cost her relationship with him, a price she'd been unwilling to pay. Steve had forgiven her, because she had been manipulated by his mother, a woman whose career in the CIA had been founded on lies.

So, it had ripped Catherine apart to have to lie to him once again. Knowing that he loved and trusted her like no other and she was committing the ultimate betrayal. There was no excuse for her actions, but there were explanations that she hoped might ease some of his pain, if he was willing to listen.

He didn't know what she was thinking, if she was seeking forgiveness. _That_ wasn't going to happen. But she wasn't making excuses, and he did appreciate that.

"Okay," he said, without emotion.

He looked away, trying to decide if potentially getting some answers was worth the can of worms that would surely be opened. It didn't take him long to decide it was.

"Can I just ask…," he said, "what did you think was going to happen?"

She sighed. "I wish telling you the truth had been an option. You have no idea how much I wished for that. I just had to hope you'd buy my cover story and it would buy me some time to figure out my next move. To figure out how to eventually be able to tell you the truth."

He sighed. He was already knee deep in worms, why not just go for it and wade on in?

"Why'd you even come back? To Oahu?" he asked.

"That wasn't a lie." She told him. "I really did want to be at Kono's wedding. But I didn't know where yu and I stood, how you'd react to seeing me. So, I took a chance. And I can't even tell you how amazing it felt when you were happy I was there. And I thought maybe there was a chance to resume our life together… and I _wanted_ that. I hadn't even realized until that moment how much I wanted it."

She placed her hand gently on his thigh for just a moment and he looked over at her.

"I wasn't lying when I said there was no place I'd rather have been than there with you." Her eyes were wet and she rubbed her hands across them. "I was trying to negotiate something so I could stay, but…" She shook her head.

"I was so stupid to let myself believe, even for a second, that it could actually work out. And I hate myself for that. For the hurt I caused you. When they called I was stuck, I had _orders_. And they wouldn't let me tell you the truth. The only concession I could get was to wait for you to get home so I could say goodbye in person." She looked away for a moment before continuing quietly. "Walking away from you that day was the hardest thing I have ever done."

Her tears were flowing freely, she'd given up trying to keep them at bay and Steve looked away to allow her to compose herself. He was surprised to realize part of him empathized with her. When he'd first learned the truth, he hadn't fully grasped what she'd gone through leading up to and on the day they said goodbye. Clearly, her heart had also been broken.

He turned back when she spoke again.

"Listen, Steve. I know this is probably the last place you want to be and things would be a lot easier if you never saw me again-"

"That's not-" he tried to interrupt but she continued as if she hadn't heard him.

"But I couldn't not tell you about Doris. I just… I couldn't. And I'm sorry."

"I know," he said and sighed heavily. He now understood that she had intentionally been keeping her distance, honoring his wish to move on. And he suspected it hadn't been easy because he knew she'd called him several times, but could never bring herself to speak. If he was being honest, that made him feel a little bit better, though he hated to admit it. He really didn't want to torture her anymore, it was time to move on from this.

"I know, it's okay," he told her. "It's gonna be a long flight and we have a job to do."

"Yeah," she said, relieved he was redirecting the conversation.

"There's uh, there's something I should probably tell you." He looked up and exhaled. "I guess, if it were me, I'd want to know."

Catherine bit her lip. "Okay."

"I had a liver transplant about 7 months ago."

Catherine's face registered her shock. "What? A transplant? God, Steve, what happened?"

"Danny and I were undercover on a drug deal that went south. I took a couple hits to the abdomen and my liver wasn't salvageable…" he shrugged, "so Danny donated half of his."

He briefly wondered if she were lying about having prior knowledge, but watched her processing what he'd told her and didn't think it was an act.

"Frankly," he told her, "I kind of figured you might already know, it was kind of big news on the island."

She shook her head. "I've, uh, I've been off the grid for a while now." She said, obviously distracted.

He nodded. He could tell she was still trying to digest what he'd told her.

"That's… it must have been pretty serious," she said.

"Yeah, Danny saved my life, twice, actually. I would have died without the transplant," he told her quietly, then decided to confess something he'd not told anyone else. "I was sure I was… going to die, I mean. I was bleeding out and I don't know, I guess I just… felt it. And I thought about you. Wondered where you were, hoped you were safe and you'd find some peace with how we left things."

Catherine's eyes were damp as she again tried to blink tears away. "Steve, that's..." She swiped at her eyes, incredibly touched by what he told her. But, she also realized that it changed nothing between them. He had chosen not to reach out to her afterwards, which meant he still felt he needed to move on. And she owed it to him to let him do so. She had so many questions, but she didn't feel like it was her place to ask. Not anymore. She cleared her throat. "But you're okay now?"

"Yeah. I wouldn't have come on this op if I wasn't up for it. I wouldn't endanger you like that."

"That's not what I-," she closed her eyes for a moment, "I know you wouldn't." She looked away for a few seconds. "I'm really glad you're okay, Steve. And Danny, he's okay, too?"

"Danny's good. No complications for either of us."

"Good. Good. So, um, what's the long-term prognosis?"

He sighed and shrugged. "Pretty good." He waved his hand. "I'll be on anti-rejection meds for the rest of my life, but they've been able to reduce the dose so it's pretty minimal and I tolerate them well."

She nodded and visibly relaxed. "That's good news."

"There is a possibility I may need another transplant somewhere down the line," he shrugged again, "but we'll deal with that if it happens, I guess."

"Right, right." She nodded again, then bit her lip. "What, uh… what happened with the Navy?"

Part of Steve loved that she asked that question, and part of him hated it because it highlighted how well she knew him. She understood how much the Navy meant to him because she felt the same way. He loved his 'ohana, his family, and would do anything for any one of them. But none of them could relate to him the way Catherine could. She had been the only one he had ever really let in. And he missed that so much.

He sighed, "Medical retirement. I'm all done."

He'd had some time to adjust to the idea, but it still felt like a raw wound. Being in the Navy, being a SEAL, had been part of his identity. He knew would always have the training and experience, nobody could ever take those away. And he planned to maintain his fitness regimen, just as if he were still in the reserves. But the knowledge that he could no longer serve his country in the same capacity, be called upon if needed… that was something he was having a difficult time reconciling.

"Steve. I'm so sorry." She waited until he met her gaze. "I know that must be incredibly hard for you."

"Yeah," he said simply, nodded once and looked away.

She placed her hand on his forearm and squeezed gently. "I really am happy that you're okay," she told him. "Thank you for telling me."

"Like I said, I'd want to know, if it were me." She knew that he meant if it had been her who had gone through something similar he'd want to know. And though she also knew it changed nothing, it warmed her heart that he still cared.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, both lost in thought. Catherine was trying to come to terms with what Steve had shared with her. And Steve was realizing something had shifted for him emotionally. He still felt hurt and betrayed, but less so. And some of his resentment was gone, too. And he was grateful for it because it would make working alongside Catherine much easier.

He cleared his throat and changed the subject. "So, is there a plan for this op? Or are we making it up as we go?"

She chuckled. "Yeah, I have kind of a rough outline. Want me to lay it out for you?"

"Might as well," he told her. "We've gotta start someplace, right?"

She smiled at him. "Yeah, we do. This is as good a place as any."

* * *

 _Author's Note: I know the show never addressed how Steve's transplant would affect his career with the Navy and that's continued to bother me, because the writers embarked on this life-changing story line and in my opinion, didn't see it through. So, I did some checking on my own and unfortunately couldn't find a definite answer._

 _I did find some information that there are thousands of individuals in the armed forces who, despite not being deployable for a variety of reasons, are still serving. However, for something as serious as being a transplant recipient the only option seems to be medical discharge or retirement. So that's what I went with. I would love that to be incorrect, for Steve's sake, but I was trying to be as accurate as possible. Thanks for reading!_


End file.
